Living Out Loud: Step Up or Step Out

I went out solo tonight — a new thing I recently started doing after many many years of being on hiatus.

Anyway, I ran into someone I rather fancied because I like his energy. And it made me think — what does it actually mean to live unapologetically me?

You know what it means to me?

It means not taking anyone’s bullshit anymore.
It means not adjusting myself just to make someone feel comfortable.
It’s putting on my furry boots, tights, a cute top, feeling sexy, and going out dancing alone — because I love how it feels to let loose and shine without needing someone to validate me.
It’s walking into the room with confidence, like I own it.
It’s asking for a guy’s number just because.
It’s dancing on my own and feeling proud of the moment — because it’s not about being seen by others, it’s about feeling seen by myself.
I dance like no one’s watching, even if I know they are.

I used to wonder in my past relationships: maybe if they saw me — really saw me — maybe they’d love me.
If I softened or adjusted myself to their needs, maybe it could work and they’d stay.
But I’ve always had to dim or hide parts of me to make others feel better.
And I’m done with that.

Not everyone understands this kind of energy — and I’m okay with that.
I’m not meant to be understood by everyone.
Maybe not even by anyone.
And maybe no one but me gets me — and maybe that’s all that matters.

Tonight, I met a solo traveler.
I told him straight up — I like your energy.
And I thought it would be cool to maybe meet in the future sometime to party.
He smiled and said, “I know.”
Yeah, it was cocky — but I got it, and I respected his confidence.
Because I’m doing the same thing.
I’m owning my energy. Letting it call people in… or not.
Without apologies.

If I stay single for the rest of my life, I’m good with that.
I’ve learned I’m safer and happier alone.
If someone along the way matches or amplifies my energy?
Maybe I’ll raise an eyebrow.
Maybe I’ll lean in.
But I’m good to just meet at a party — and if we connect that way,
for me right now, that’s all I need.

Why put myself out there... again?
Why adjust, only to lose myself in the process?
Fuck that.

I feel my happy creeping in.
I feel the freedom and the possibilities.
I gave ten years of my life — and I’m almost 50!
I want to enjoy, enjoy, and enjoy some more.
I want to eat my sweets.
Wear my fuzzy boots, sexy tights, and dresses.
Drink just because.
Go away because I can.
Sleep until noon without guilt.

I kinda like having no responsibility.

I’m not shrinking anymore.
I’m not putting myself second.
I am not changing or adjusting to be who you want me to be.
No more judgment.
No more hiding.
No more silence.
No more shape-shifting.
No more explaining.

Step up, or step out.