What I Never Had

I didn’t grow up with “traditions” except for Christmas where tamales were made, a specific food related to our culture. We would stay up until midnight, gift exchange, and that was it. We did celebrate birthdays, but we never had parties or went out for dinner, and my birthdays — I couldn’t name one that was memorable, because there were too many birthdays where I wasn’t exempt from beatings. I remember clearly the many times I was slapped, hit, or beat, and my mother took those moments to wish me a happy birthday.

So, for me, making my kids’ birthdays became something I wanted them to enjoy and remember.

I decided to create traditions of our own. We celebrate Thanksgiving and we all go around and say what we’re thankful for. In late November, the decorations for Christmas come out, and I have a set of candles that have never been lit, it has been our table centerpiece for now over 25 years.

Christmas Eve, because of my Latino background, we make a special dinner and open one gift, and after midnight I pull out the hidden gifts from Santa — lol yes, regardless of my kids’ age, I still do it. Then Christmas Day we have breakfast, open gifts, and a traditional turkey dinner.

For their birthdays, I decided to leave their gifts on their dressers so when they wake up, they would see their gifts all wrapped up, sometimes balloons, and a heartfelt card. I did this so they could enjoy their surprise on their own and read my card in private. They each had parties until their 16th, and then after on milestone birthdays. We always go out for a nice dinner at a place of their choice.

It wasn’t just Christmas and birthdays. I created moments wherever I could — Easter, Halloween, anything that gave them something to look forward to and something to remember.

It doesn’t take much to make a person feel special, and I always wanted to take the time to remind them how special they are to me, and a big part of that if not all of it, has to do with my experiences as a child.

What warms my heart is that they both look forward to these little added traditions and plan on doing the same for their own children. My legacy will continue, and it’s filled with love.

It wasn’t an easy journey, but I broke the cycle, and that matters so much to me — and I hope to them as well.

One thing about the Christmas tradition is the candle centerpiece. It will continue to go unlit until the year my kids will have to celebrate without me. This way, they can both light a candle and feel my presence, remember my silly little quirks with Santa, the dinners and games, and continue on knowing that I will always be with them.

I didn’t grow up with traditions, so I built them.
And one day those candles will be lit — not because I’m gone, but because everything I built stayed.